i'm trying things out. neither of the two versions on this page seem right to me, but both contain little things i might be able to develop. i'm trying to create something like a photo album or storybook cover, for something like a collection of fantasy photos. for the one on the bottom, i haven't yet tried to put a gargoyle type version of myself above the x, under the arch. similar to above, with bat wings and a tail, but hopefully looking gargoyle-ish, blending into the style of the photo so far. i've pieced together little bits of clip art (stuff that's offered freely for people to do with what they wish) that i gathered quickly just in order to try out some ideas (this is the first time i've done this), but i don't really like the idea of using other people's stuff, even if i obscure the originals to the extent they're completely unrecognizable. anyway, i just wanted to try some things out somewhat quickly here, to see if it would lead to anything else. the top photo has been started from a photo i took of an old book. the central information doesn't look finished or 3d enough or something, but so far attempts to change that have resulted in too much detail loss in the photo of my body, which already is a bit too obscured.
i don't know, i feel discouraged and useless today, i guess. depressed and suicidal. it's hard to care about anything. having fantasies that my stiff neck and headache are the result of a burst aneurism, like the one that killed my mother at this age, and that somehow i could just be dead within a few days, and i'd never have to deal with anything else, ever. but i know the stiff neck is likely related to the cold or flu i've got, and that the headache is related to caffeine withdrawal.
just wanting to curl up and hide.
[26/01/05: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK WHAT a piece of shit freaking scroll bar i need to try to figure out how to get rid of and another issue i sort of forgot about because there was so much to htihk about. i'm so incredibly exhausted. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK BHLEGH. sleep. except im a bit afraid to sleep becuaus i think i might be a little stressed the dream i had last nigh freaked me out a ibt. yah, i'm hamming it up, not bothering to fix typso although i could i feel like a moron so this feels fitting. MY TEXT IS FUCKING IDOTOIC IT ALL NEEDS TO BE TOTALLY CHANGEDi'm not drunk, just been awake too long, writin code too long fisxing mistakes too long and i'e reached some pont i don't reausually reach.i can't figue the bugs out tonight and probably i'm going to have to ask for hlep. fuck. here's the thing about the dream.. the things in it that freaked me, there was some kind of communication that it was going to happen again if i went back to sleep. i think i'm a bit scared.]i'll be bakc to my usual self tomorow, i' sure. i loo k at this, and it just looks so wahhat's the word, it looks fake. the weird thing is it''s not, it's just me feeling tired and not making an effort to fic it alleven though i couldTO AOLL MY FRIENDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS]