This has not turned out the way I planned and at present I am just trying to finish the entry up quickly and give credit because I have used outside sources for this entry. I want to get it all done before midnight here, and before I'm too drunken to remember to give proper credit. I didn't start searching and planning far enough in advance (I only started today), and was only able to explore certain tangents this year, which may give a misleading about my personality as a whole.

[I very much like the images I have used here, but I am self-conscious about using images that others do not want me to use. Just let me know, and I will remove them without delay.]

Picture #1: Black dress and copper dress (Emma Domb) are from a vintage site called Vintageous. The colourful salad is from a restaurant in Melbourne called Interlude (I took the photo from their website), the shoes are, in order from left: Kate Spade, middle two by Jimmy Choo and the last pair by Manolo Blahnik. I took all photos from: this website.

Picture#2: Top photo is of Interlude restaurant in Melbourne. Bottom two photos are of The Prince Hotel in Melbourne, photos taken from the Interlude website and from the Tablet Hotels website respectively.

If I have known for most of my life that my wish is not to stay in and have a quiet New Year's, Valentine's Day, birthday, etc, then why have I gone out so little in my life? Why have I not made the effort? This remains something that puzzles me. And I guess often it has been that I am just not strong enough when those dates roll around, and I am not strong enough to plan anything in advance. In short, it's related to long-term depression.

But I also think it's about low self-esteem, and even confusion. I think I've had a vague idea of things I would like to try, but perhaps my self-concept has never been in focus enough for me to know what to act on, what to choose.

What I have found is that while looking around, I don't know where to start, there are so many choices, and I don't know how to search for what I might like. I would like to create a fantasy experience for myself that would not be based on current society and fashion, but something outside that. It's difficult, because there are many sides to my personality, including the idea of ultra-modern space age, but also I admit I do like the idea of eclectic romantic elegant.

A couple of other Melbourne restaurants also caught my eye:

Ok, New Year's Eve is here, and again I am not prepared. I made a start, but I should have started a week ago. I wasn't able to find shoes for the second dress. This is what happens when you are not prepared. Still, there are different parts to the personality, and if there was time, we'd live them all out. The black dress is a bit like a black ballerina costume.

So, what I have done is some imaginary shopping and planning for my imaginary party. This is my attempt to be creative and 'positive' for tonight. :>

May it truly be a Happy New Year. :>