Why I Am Not An Organ Donor

...What you have to know is that Marla is still alive. Marla's philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn't...

Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

When I die, I want my entire body to be cremated.

There are people who would point out that I might as well do something positive with my empty, worthless life - such as save the life of someone worthwhile, be unselfish enough to give the gift of life.

Various methods of suicide will destroy the chances, but assuming that I had any viable organs or useful body parts that could be donated, I don't like the idea of anything from my body which contains information about how to make 'me' - DNA - being shared with another person. I don't like the idea of that info existing within that person's body. I want I guess some control, I want all of my body to die, to feel safely assured that no part of me would be experimented on (specifically, brought back to 'life'), and that no part of my body could somehow affect another person.

Also, could the cells of my organs retain a kind of 'memory' of me and my life that could be passed on to another and possibly affect or infect that person with misery? It doesn't matter if the person would be willing to take the chance at life and doesn't care about these things at all, or thinks that they are positive enough to overcome all.

I have perhaps an ignorant idea that the genes that are supposed to try to get along as it is in their best interests to have a unified vehicle actually have never gotten along in my body. Perhaps the combination could have done better in a different environment, but maybe would never have gotten along in any circumstances.

I don't want to pass on my genes through children; I also don't want to keep any part of my genetic makeup alive.

As for donating my body to science, my refusal to do that is harder to justify, even to myself. If I really cared about helping people to understand, wouldn't I allow my brain or other parts of me to be analyzed and studied?

It seems to me there are two components: one is a control issue, that is related to my own human insecurity. I want my psychological and analytical insights to count in their own right, and I am afraid of being dismissed or lumped into a category based on physiological information only, with no chance to add my conscious input.

I also think I have to reluctantly admit that even planning my suicide itself has been affected by body dysmorphic disorder - that is to say that one of my fears in killing myself relates to who finds my body, how they judge my appearance, and with what dignity they treat my body. This seems to be partly about control, and partly about trust.

As to how I can justify my website, and its proliferation of my memes, I think that's different, although I probably need to think about it more. Why do I think of my body as being more disgusting than my ideas? Aren't they intertwined, haven't they both impacted each other throughout my life? Couldn't my ideas have a greater potential for negative impact? Or do I believe that I have more potential to contribute something positive through my ideas?

[Added November 2016: I forgot to mention that if I 'needed' an organ donation in order to survive, I wouldn't seek one out. I admit that I feel as uncomfortable with the idea of anyone else's parts as I do with the idea of mine being added to another body. I'm much less uncomfortable with the idea of something synthetic.]