15/04/04
a lot has happened. i don't feel much like writing. i am moving into my new place, (alone), in a couple of weeks.
10/05/04
i'm in the new place. i don't have net access yet. [if this appears on my site as of may 11th, i have copied new stuff onto my minidrive and taken it with me to visit gk, and i have uploaded it at his place. i'm not sure when i will have net access. it could be soon, but it may be another week.]
i have various supplies, and may be able to avoid going outside for a month or more.
gk has been supportive, kind and caring throughout all of this. he has done so much for me, helped me with so much. but it's also obvious how draining it has been for him. it's probably a good thing i'm not leaving this any longer. we are parting amicably. i'm not sure yet how much contact we will have now, or if it will be possible to have any contact. it will depend on how i cope with being on my own, and if i feel i want or need to isolate myself.
i feel kind of traumatized at times. at others i feel blank or numb. or like i'm waiting, but don't know what i'm waiting for. i still don't feel like writing much.
i have worked on a few new things, but i'm not sure yet if i will write much or put anything much here now that i am on my own. i feel detached about it. it makes sense to use this site as a way of coping with being on my own. i don't know. i have no idea about how anything will go. [note: the monitor on my laptop is brighter than the one on the computer i used to use, and i've noticed that most things look different to me on it.]
i do want to know what it will be like. i'm curious. i think i'm too shellshocked right now to be more positive than that, though.