12/04/03
my iron levels tested as being in the lower end of the normal range. normal is considered 30-150, i'm currently at 57. don't know the units of measurement per units of blood they use, or how much a unit of blood is, either. wasn't together enough to remember to ask about details like that. in the not so distant past, anything under 50 was considered anemia, now it's anything under 30. some people do not function as well as others when their iron is at the lower end of the range.
my doctor recommended that i take 105 mg of iron a day again for another two months, and then as a long-term kind of thing to take 105 mg twice a week as maintenance. there might not have been enough time/iron absoption yet for taking iron to affect my hair loss. if the hair loss hasn't stopped in two months, then i come in again and we will try to figure out if there's some other problem, and if i will need a referral to a dermatologist or anything like that.
i feel fairly relieved. i feel i've done pretty much all i can do with regards to the situation (i suppose i could research it more, but i think that's beyond my capabilities at present), and i no longer feel as helpless.
as i write this, i am occasionally sipping cappuccino and nibbling chocolate chip cookies i made last night. last night i didn't vomit. i had one cup of coffee, and several cookies, and started to feel so good that i didn't actually want to go through with gorging or vomiting. i had quite a high, i felt pleasure, i felt a sex-love kind of feeling, i thought about various ideas related to the filming i want to do, i felt a kind of excitement, and the passage of time wasn't the burden it usually is. even in this state, i feel that i want to die before long, but there isn't the same kind of feeling of powerlessness attached to it, and i feel good about it.
i will probably binge and vomit sometime today, but i'm not sure. possibly two or more times, even. it really doesn't seem realistic to me that i could ever do without the behaviour forever. it's like i need it as something to look forward to, even if it's in the distant future.
i'm going to try to go back to the sort of daily schedule i keep trying to focus on, though. for as long as i can. if i could manage for about 3 months, i think i'd be extremely pleased.