07/06/03
my police clearance has come already, which was quite a surprise. that sort of thing usually seems to take the full amount of time they give as an estimate. theoretically, i could probably get my visa sooner than i thought. in practice, there is still a lot to do, and we will not be asking gk's family to write up statutory declarations yet while everything is so stressful. as for what's going on with gk's mother, we still don't know exactly when we will be headed out there, but we will likely take a couple of trips in the near future (at least one), and we're still sort of on standby. if i'm giving the impression i'm not still extremely scared about all of this, it's the wrong impression. it's just that i think that i will probably go through with everything, try to deal as best i can, and offer whatever i can. i do not fullly know why this is possible for me at this time.
i notice that in the last couple of months i've written more and more here, and that many of these entries include some kind of picture. i'm not sure if that's winding down now, or if there's a temporary lull. i still feel that there is a lot pushing itself out, and that these other things (the pictures i've done) are extra things. i could be wrong. i'm just waiting to see what happens, and in the meantime i'm still trying to prepare myself as well as i can for dancing. i have had many setbacks, and it's fairly discouraging, but there seems to be some part of me that keeps wanting to try again. while we visit gk's family, i will have to put things on hold a bit, and i think it's likely that when we return i will need at least a short 'breakdown' period.
coincidences. deliberate? i'm not suspicious, just curious, intrigued. i like to be direct, and i don't like to seem unaware, or like i'm deliberately ignoring something, but sometimes i can only communicate so much and am afraid of being unclear, or i need more time to prepare myself for the consequences of asking.