rally august 2015

my first live political protest, hopefully..

While walking down the street, I was approached by someone passing out fliers for a marriage equality rally. I am going to try really hard to get there. At present, I'm kind of out of control, and drinking again as I compile this entry. I'm a bit disorganized, and realize I need to fix some mistakes in my previous entries, but it will take a bit of concentration to get the mistakes rectified, and then set it all up so I can do it at the library.

I don't think I've mentioned on my site yet how great it was when I heard that marriage equality had finally passed country-wide in the US. Hopefully Australia won't be too far behind. I have commented on this subject before. While I am not really a huge fan of the institution of marriage itself, I do believe that every person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identification, should get to make the decision about whether to marry or not for themselves. Without that choice, there isn't a true equality.

what will i wear??

At present, as I said above, I am out of control. I have a certain amount of wine and food, and I feel like I am a runaway train that can't stop at the moment. However, I have spread things out and haven't purged again, and am just trying to go with it all, and enjoy it.

My face is finished, my body's gone, and I might as well try to enjoy myself..

But yes, with all the drinking, I am more self-conscious about how I look in daytime hours.

grooming rituals..

Can I compensate? Instead of painting the town red, I am currently painting my lips and nails red.. Actually, this colour is called 'mystic' and is more of an Anais Nin red (more burgundy or wine), but with the flash, it looks like another red I have called Rock and Roll (Rimmel).

I have been fairly extravagant on my trip. I guess it's obvious I have spent a considerable amount on accommodation. In the past, I chose many interesting places that very often cost about the same or even less than what people pay for a 'normal' or even 'inexpensive' hotel room. I think most people might not be aware that more unusual options exist, but I do realize the other thing is that most people don't care much about the hotel or accommodation, because they are there to soak up the cultural experiences, not hole up in a boutique hotel.

But.. if you have antisocial tendencies or anxiety issues, or a bit of a different personal rhythm, it can be good to have a cool place to hole up in, if need be. I can't say I know much about architecture or design, but staying in an unusual place has often been part of what stays with me about any particular travel.

This time, I paid about twice what I normally would for accommodation, (even though 7 years have gone by, and maybe there should be some inflation), but I made a decision to stay less than half as long. I think on this trip, I made excellent choices.

And I am actually kind of surprised they didn't charge more than what they did for this apartment in the Majorca Building..

In 2008, my grandfather died and left me some money. It took some time (a few years) for the will to be settled. I hadn't yet spent the money he left me. He loved travel himself, and I am thinking he might have liked what I am doing with the money - although he was a lot more careful to find bargains, and might worry about the extent of the drinking.. This is turning out to be a 'trip of a lifetime' for me, and hands down the best trip I've ever had. I wonder if it took some time for me to understand myself well enough to know what I would enjoy.

i don't know if i have anything interesting enough to wear..

Maybe I should go and see if I can get a colourful boa, hat, or maybe paint my nails in rainbow colours for the rally. I realize I can just 'come as you are', but maybe to make up for lost time I want to really get into it..

Today is Thursday.. I have 2 more days to work this out. Plus, I want to try to see at least one film festival entry at The Forum.

I do feel like I am living in my own apartment. Maybe I can live a lifetime in a week..

ah yes, there is something I meant to discuss, related to some of what kind of embarrasses me about myself.

I am more than a little slow in many ways. There are some things that are probably obvious to most people that I can have trouble working out. For example, I accidentally got water all over the bathroom floor, and used a big towel to sop it up, and so I thought I would use the washing machine to test it out.. but then I couldn't figure out how to use the washing machine. I kept getting an error code, and I feel too self-conscious to ask how to use something simple like a washing machine. I won't really need it while here - I tend to handwash my underwear and tights (I hung them in the bathroom - I was specifically asked not to hang wet things on the furniture here, and I am completely fine with being respectful of that - it's a really nice place, and there are some really nice things here), but when it comes to things like towels and sheets, partly because of my skin issues (er, and makeup..), I might like to freshen some things up. And I do tend to keep things relatively tidy. If I were living in my own apartment, it would be tidy - that's just the way I am. There are extra towels, but I guess there is that thing where I sort of want to clean up after myself as I go along.

Thinking it over, there are a lot of ways in which I am not very bright. At The Blackman, when I checked in, I couldn't figure out how to turn the lights on in the room. Most people are aware you have to put the keycard in the slot by the door, but I entered the rooom, and then of course it was dark and I couldn't see anything.

But, it gets worse. With that one, I did call down to reception for help. When it came to the in-room tv system, I basically couldn't get the menu to work or progress past the annoying default setting with horrible muzak. I eventually managed to just turn it off, and that was that.

I have missed calls on my cell phone because I can't remember how to answer it. Well, the thing is that I have received so few calls over the years that I've never really become all that familiar with mobile phone use.

I'm also embarrassed to admit that I can't remember how to answer the intercom or open the door downstairs if anyone did drop by for a visit while I'm here in the Majorca Building. I think this is one of the types of things I might not bother to think about or prioritize, and then if the completely unexpected happened and someone came to the door, I wouldn't have prepared myself for the situation beforehand because it wasn't registering as a possibility. And then figuring it out when anxious or on the spot wouldn't work?

Various people, when seeing photos of my bedroom, have commented that it looks tidy, and I guess that's a polite way of saying 'you look really anal, but not in a fun way'..

Did I just tidy up my room for photos? Er, no. What appears in photos is the usual state of my room. When I wake up, I make my bed, (I can do it in the dark), and most of the time, I keep things fairly organized.

Also, my sense of direction is probably pretty bad. I'm actually pretty good at reading maps, if I can do it without the pressure of being observed, but when I go in somewhere and come out a different door, it can mess with my sense of where I am. However, here, it's like it's not very difficult to find my way back to anywhere. Even if I make mistakes, I can work it out before long. And the thing is, I even like 'getting lost' here, or in other places, because I like the randomness of finding the unexpected. Melbourne is constructed like a labyrinth, yes, but it doesn't feel 'dangerous'. It's intriguing and fun.

Even on days when I haven't walked all that much, I probably still manage to walk a fair bit. It certainly doesn't feel like 'exercise'.

Part of the problem is anxiety-related. I know that if I ask people to explain things, I might not be able to remember what they say or even absorb what they say because I'm nervous in the moment, and so this ends up making me look twice as stupid if I still don't seem to know what to do after they explain it.

Today, for a while the street music sounded kind of like swing music? I am not sure. At present, I don't know how to describe what they've got going on out there in the streets. Some days, a lot of banjos..

Ok, I think I will make lunch, and try to take a photo if it looks nice..

august 13th lunch

Another yummy lunch.

Now, I think I will head to the library to upload this entry and have a bit of a look around.. There's something sort of romantic or at least in the literary tradition to be drunk, around books and introverts, in the middle of the afternoon..

->exile on meme st: a diary