I haven't left the house in well over a year. In that time, there
have been long stretches when I haven't seen or talked to GK - during
those times we've only communicated via notes left on the dining
table. I haven't spoken to any other humans during this time period.
I do occasionally talk to possums.
GK's house had an asbestos roof. It was degrading over time and he
decided to get it removed and replaced. We didn't have to leave the
house for this, but I did realize that if some accident occurred, and
someone put a foot through my bedroom ceiling during the process, I
might feel extremely stressed. Even though the chance of that
happening was slim, it wasn't easy for me to shake it off.
To cope with this situation, I decided to address it in a humorous
way: I wore what I wore on Halloween - a shocking pink wig,
fluorescent green beanie, and sunglasses. I brought Blinky the Three-
Eyed Pumpkin into my room, and with a candle he was continually
blinking. Also: a bucket with a bottle of sparkling on ice, and
various snacks, including some of the leftover mini chocolate bars GK
had bought for trick or treaters, a bowl of fresh strawberries, and
cheese and crackers. Er.. and an extra bottle of wine.
I reread Camus' The Outsider (and found myself feeling uneasy
regarding how the Arabs were portrayed..), and parts of Anais Nin's
Delta of Venus, and some of the time I just listened to the workmen's
radio. I remember things like Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice) and Good
Vibrations (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch). And one of the guys
seemed to know a lot of lyrics, singing along as he worked. Anyway..
the day passed somewhat easily, and I was in a relaxed/fun mood, even
with all the thunderous noise above. I suppose if someone had
accidentally crashed through my ceiling, they might have been
startled to see the scene - perhaps just as startled as I would have
been, if not more so..
As an alternative, I went for a 'hubot hugger' look. In the Swedish
tv series Real Humans, it's a pejorative term, not just in the sense
of having an 'unhealthy' interest in technology, but also used when a
human is deemed a hubot wannabe. Liberated hubots themselves might
not take this sort of imitation as a compliment. (Hubot: human-
looking robot. A common insult: Windows Brain. Real Humans: will only
use 'hubot'-free goods and services.)
Although GK did have one glowing cocktail for Halloween (vodka and
tonic water - tonic water makes drinks glow blue under black light),
he stopped there, while I continued to get drunk, and disappeared off
to take some photos.
I hadn't intended to do the face dancing thing, but I got caught up
in it. After, I dreaded the idea of downloading the photos, and maybe
it means I'm outgrowing this activity. I don't know. I felt the same
way about trying to write this entry (DREAD). But, I don't
think I'm going to remove xesce.net altogether. It could be that it
has served a kind of purpose, that it has helped me to understand
myself better, and has given me an outlet and support, and maybe it's
time to move on, but I am not really at a place where I believe I
will have a better chance to connect in life if I just let go of this
monstrosity and try again from scratch.
blinky the three-eyed pumpkin
GK carved Blinky for Halloween. The roof people came after
Halloween. I thought he would add to the ambiance in my room. In
this very short clip, you can see Blinky blinking, and hear some of
the noises I heard above me that day.
I find more and more that I dread going online at all, and it could
be that I'm withdrawing further. At the same time, I feel lucky to
have had such a weird life.