I haven't left the house in well over a year. In that time, there have been long stretches when I haven't seen or talked to GK - during those times we've only communicated via notes left on the dining table. I haven't spoken to any other humans during this time period. I do occasionally talk to possums.

GK's house had an asbestos roof. It was degrading over time and he decided to get it removed and replaced. We didn't have to leave the house for this, but I did realize that if some accident occurred, and someone put a foot through my bedroom ceiling during the process, I might feel extremely stressed. Even though the chance of that happening was slim, it wasn't easy for me to shake it off.

To cope with this situation, I decided to address it in a humorous way: I wore what I wore on Halloween - a shocking pink wig, fluorescent green beanie, and sunglasses. I brought Blinky the Three- Eyed Pumpkin into my room, and with a candle he was continually blinking. Also: a bucket with a bottle of sparkling on ice, and various snacks, including some of the leftover mini chocolate bars GK had bought for trick or treaters, a bowl of fresh strawberries, and cheese and crackers. Er.. and an extra bottle of wine.

I reread Camus' The Outsider (and found myself feeling uneasy regarding how the Arabs were portrayed..), and parts of Anais Nin's Delta of Venus, and some of the time I just listened to the workmen's radio. I remember things like Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice) and Good Vibrations (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch). And one of the guys seemed to know a lot of lyrics, singing along as he worked. Anyway.. the day passed somewhat easily, and I was in a relaxed/fun mood, even with all the thunderous noise above. I suppose if someone had accidentally crashed through my ceiling, they might have been startled to see the scene - perhaps just as startled as I would have been, if not more so..






GK had a really good idea for Halloween this year. I thought that in keeping with his theme, maybe I could be a Toxic Mutant, but my costume didn't work out.

As an alternative, I went for a 'hubot hugger' look. In the Swedish tv series Real Humans, it's a pejorative term, not just in the sense of having an 'unhealthy' interest in technology, but also used when a human is deemed a hubot wannabe. Liberated hubots themselves might not take this sort of imitation as a compliment. (Hubot: human- looking robot. A common insult: Windows Brain. Real Humans: will only use 'hubot'-free goods and services.)

Although GK did have one glowing cocktail for Halloween (vodka and tonic water - tonic water makes drinks glow blue under black light), he stopped there, while I continued to get drunk, and disappeared off to take some photos.

I hadn't intended to do the face dancing thing, but I got caught up in it. After, I dreaded the idea of downloading the photos, and maybe it means I'm outgrowing this activity. I don't know. I felt the same way about trying to write this entry (DREAD). But, I don't think I'm going to remove xesce.net altogether. It could be that it has served a kind of purpose, that it has helped me to understand myself better, and has given me an outlet and support, and maybe it's time to move on, but I am not really at a place where I believe I will have a better chance to connect in life if I just let go of this monstrosity and try again from scratch.


blinky the three-eyed pumpkin

GK carved Blinky for Halloween. The roof people came after Halloween. I thought he would add to the ambiance in my room. In this very short clip, you can see Blinky blinking, and hear some of the noises I heard above me that day.

I find more and more that I dread going online at all, and it could be that I'm withdrawing further. At the same time, I feel lucky to have had such a weird life.

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