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As xesce.net continues to grow, I find that fewer people are likely to initiate contact with me, and fewer people respond to me when I send an email out.

For those who do send something out: however it turns out, I do appreciate the effort.

I think it's best to be myself and to express myself as well as I can. I don't think I feel bad about not being 'normal', and I don't think I try to live up to 'normal' standards. Still, it can get lonely when even the people who like me best still admire more or are more attracted to people who are more successful or attractive by conventional standards than I am. :> Or if in addition to telling me it is ok to be myself, they also say: just try not to think or analyze too much.

Hehe, the ironic thing is that if I didn't think or analyze in the particular ways I do, or to the extent I do, I would not have a website through which people could contact me and comment that maybe I shouldn't think or analyze so much! :>

For a long time, I hid a lot about myself. Again and again through the years I destroyed my writings and the things I created. I think I have a better chance of finding someone who likes me if I don't hide, but I also realize that I may be someone who just doesn't fit anywhere.

How do I treat those who actually initiate contact with me? I usually warn them that I probably won't be able to keep it up for long. I don't have a personal foundation upon which to build long-term friendships. I live in a state of distress that is difficult to keep to myself for long, so I usually just keep it together for as long as I can. But, when someone does make the effort, I do appreciate it, and it does add something to my life. The breaks in the usual routine are significant to me.

I've written it before, but I suppose it bears repeating: it does make sense to me that fewer and fewer people try to contact me as the years go by.