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What is quoted above was taken from a sex doll site, and represents one of the ways that human sexuality can be channelled. It would seem that this is a 'free range' option, since there is no exploitation of or abuse of another human being involved. But what do the attitudes in the ad used to attract customers say about the realities of male fantasy?

Last year I did some research into different areas of sexuality. I watched some classic older porn and some newer porn, I experimented with sex toys, I read the 50 Shades series, and several books on BDSM. I will include brief comments regarding different porn films at the end of this entry.

I do get that any time people have non-mainstream desires, those with mainstream desires tend to look down on them, judge them and find them disgusting or laughable, which understandably may lead to a lingering resentment, and a trust only of those in the scene you are drawn to. Taken further, it could lead to a withdrawal from sex altogether.

Like many others, the way I see the 50 Shades series is that it's a bridge between male-oriented porn and female romance novels. Many people comment on the quality of the writing, but I think it's fine. It is not as repetitive as male-oriented porn films, and the story and ideas are well-organized. I respect and support that the author put her fantasies out there.

I had trouble relating to the two main characters, and so psychosexually I wasn't really engaged in the story. But, I did spend a lot of time theorizing about many aspects of it, and I actually am curious to see the movie version.

More than anything else, I think it's a love story. I think if women are turned on by the story, it might have less to do with a real interest in bdsm than it does with the fact that Christian knew Ana was The One, or behaved as if she was, very early in the relationship. When women have that, perhaps they are more likely to try out different or unfamiliar things sexually.

Do women want controlling men? Do they want to be protected and told what to do, what to wear and how to please their man? Do they put up with it when they have a sense that they are perceived as The One, or do it in order to hold on to a man?

I don't think it's a good idea to try to tell people their sexual fantasies are bad, and I understand that for many, the idea of analyzing the fantasy would kill it. I suppose the most disturbing thing for me is that women of a certain age don't write stories about women their own age. They write fantasies about young women. E L James (50 Shades) and Stephenie Meyer (Twilight) have both become famous for writing stories in which the female heroine is young and virginal. Do middle-aged women have to fantasize that they are young in order to create a fantasy that works? And is this because realistically, men are considerably more attracted to young women than older ones?

50 Shades was originally Twilight fan fiction, so I suppose it makes sense there would be some similarities. The main thing seems to be the extremely strong connection between the two main characters in each story. Twilight represents the powerful sexual urges of young women, and a 'safe' outlet through which to process them. It's about anticipation, and a zeroing in on the way emotion is displayed, the way it develops and plays out. Porn is about zeroing in on the body parts and on the sexual, rather than emotional, aspects of seduction and pleasure. Is there any way to combine the two experiences, such that both sides would get more out of sex? Does it depend on a certain level of physical attractiveness?

These are the books on bdsm I read:

SM 101 by Jay Wiseman
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
The Control Book by Peter Masters

In spite of whatever I've read in the past, whether the kind of thing everyone has heard about, like the Marquis de Sade, Venus in Furs, or through popular depictions of bdsm in movies and tv, and even though I've exchanged email that related to these topics, I did not really have a good understanding of the subject matter. I had or still probably have a more vague, less practical knowledge.

SM 101 is a very good book for helping the mainstream to understand the underlying ideas and practices of bdsm, and to help them get started if they want to try some things out. Wiseman stresses that bdsm is not about cruelty or abuse, but he does also repeat often that it is not a 'safe' activity, physically or emotionally, and there is always some risk involved. I would think that cruelty and abuse would fall into those categories, with it perhaps being something that different people define differently. There is a lot of practical info, including how to meet potential partners, safety, knot tying, etc.

A lot of it probably relates to real life experience, what you learn as you experiment - as you try things out, you discover what works for you, and what doesn't. And many people who know nothing about bdsm at all manage to use some of the principles without realizing it, to one extent or another.

Lack of consent in the Marquis de Sade's books itself was I think meant to represent hypocrisies in society and the church at that time. The Marquis de Sade expressed philosophy through sex. The books on bdsm above seem to be about a sexual preference or inclination that most of the authors don't want to analyze in great depth. They know what they like, and they know others like it. They are not making a philosophical statement, they are being true to themselves and what they enjoy.

Jay Wiseman says that he was surprised to find that 'normal' women like bdsm, when he thought that probably only 'damaged' ones would. Also, he seems to be saying that women over 40 who are not slim are not really desired, and that they are 'flawed'. He seemed to feel bad writing it, but said it was nonetheless true. Even though such women are not really desired, that does not mean guys won't marry them - he says they will, simply because it is so hard to find women who are into bdsm.

I think this comment is relevant to more than just bdsm culture, and that while slimness is stressed, youth is also important. In local personals ads, I have noted time and again that a large proportion of men specify that they want 'slim' women, but that women never seem to specify that they want slim men. Both sexes are more likely to seek out relationships in which the male will be at least a little older than the female. When younger men specify that they are looking for older women, it seems possible that they are sex workers.

Through all I read and watched, I found it difficult to shake off the impression that while women might be looking for the individuality of the man, or see a particular man as a unique creature, men seem to see women as either flawed or not flawed. 'I love you even though you have a weird body because you are a nice person'. I don't know if the distinction is clear. It's like men feel a sense of entitlement to weigh up the 'flaws'. They will marry someone they don't find particularly attractive, because pairing up is what is expected of everyone. It's important to find someone who fits in with family and friends. There are women who are fantasies, and there are women you marry. The latter are often not really desired. There's a difference in what their purpose is. If a woman is a fantasy, there is a kind of expectation that she will live up to an idea of what that fantasy is, and not spoil it with her individuality or psychological complexity. It's like an either/or situation. Either she lives up to the fantasy, or she's the other kind, the wife kind. A wife can make more psychological demands, but doesn't inspire intense desire. She's more like a buddy.

It's extremely difficult to find something different from either of these categories. Attracting attention to oneself seems to come from a foundation that is based on appealing to men's requirements. A woman of a certain age is either looking for a long-term commitment, or she's a cougar or a MILF. There aren't really any other options, unless they relate to fulfilling or catering to some other recognizable fantasy, like bdsm.

After exploring all of these areas (porn, bdsm, 50 Shades, a lot of tv and movies), I felt restricted, hemmed in. It didn't seem possible that I was ever going to find anything different enough. I didn't want to get trapped in the same old process, that for me used to maybe occur on a more unconscious level: at the start, you get a feel for what the other person is looking for, and you focus on communicating what is relevant for that end, and play down the other parts. You apply to a man and if you 'pass' the minimum attractiveness test, things move forward. Sometimes, lonely people are willing to accept far less, because it is good to get attention.

What I found interesting in The Control Book was that the author said there were different levels of how to manipulate people: conscious, subconscious and unconscious. This goes to the theory that at least some people have a primal reaction to bdsm, even if their conscious minds dismiss it.

John Warren's book contained similar ideas as the Wiseman one, written in a different style, and with fewer practical suggestions, but one extra thing was that his wife, a submissive, contributed her take on it all.

Reading the books did not make me feel like I wanted to try out the practices myself. I would probably try things if I had a partner who was interested, but not for myself. I like some of the aesthetics of bdsm, but am put off by the idea that I am too old and unattractive to really be appealing.

In the porn films I watched, there was a definite change from the porn of the 70s to the porn of the present. The women were slim in the past, but in the present, there are larger breasts, (most of which are enhanced), and pubic hair has disappeared and genitals seem a little pruned down.

There was some sexual arousal in watching porn, but it was mainly low-level, and after a time I became extremely burnt out watching, and since then I haven't had any interest to track down more porn. Again, I would watch it as something to explore in a new relationship.

In different porn films, you can see different moves that different people have, and also particular angles of attractiveness as they pertain to sex and sexual moves, as well as personal qualities (types of 'sexiness'). The actors and actresses probably aren't paid much to share some of what's special about them, and the way the world looks at porn, this 'specialness' may be processed as 'disposable'.

What all of these sexual interests seem to have in common is that women are young, slim and attractive. Also: it's accepted that men are more dominant, and that their preferences are what shape the experience. After looking into these various things, I did find that I felt kind of detached about sex. I don't know if I am becoming more cynical, or if I am just becoming more realistic. I don't just get these messages when it comes to porn. I watch a lot of tv and film, and keep seeing the same memes. In addition, online, where people have anonymity, there are a lot of very strong messages related to women, their attractiveness and suitability as sex objects. People are extremely judgmental about women's appearances.

When men want their wives to at least occasionally dress in lingerie or fetish wear, or take up pole dancing, or learn how to be more like a porn star, it's difficult to work out the line between making an effort to participate in a relationship/life and trying things mainly to please a man, without thinking about the 'whole' of your own development, or where your own interests lie.

The other problem is that despite a woman's best efforts, she may not have the desired effect. Sometimes, even if a man seems encouraging, he might be comparing her efforts and finding them lacking.. which may cause a kind of either anger or depression, which results in a further withdrawal into secrecy and secret behaviours. Some men like to be able to say 'I have a wife who is a size __, such and such a cup size, who will try anything in bed, and I get sex at least ___ times a week, I'm a lucky guy..' and it's difficult to sort out all the variations and layers, the way people compare themselves to their friends and their friends' relationships, as well as to what they take in on tv, in movies, etc, and how they feel when they spend time alone.

Any activity spent with a person you can tell would rather be elsewhere simply does not feel the same. When you watch a movie or listen to music with someone who seems bored, or judgmental, it can take away your own enjoyment, and you might find you prefer to do it on your own. There are many other possibilities and shades.. even another person's awkwardness might take away from enjoyment.

Many men will say they don't want 'fake' women, but why did the appearance of porn actresses evolve over time in the 'fake' direction? Women decided to do this on their own? This happened because what men really fantasize about is more along the lines of these 'fakes' than 'real women'. They want to encounter real women with the proportions and attributes of the 'fakes', but because there aren't naturally a huge amount of those to go around, women tweak their appearance to match the fantasy. If a 'real woman' wants to get cosmetic surgery, she will often be subject to scorn, but if she doesn't get it, does she face that although she might be able to get married, she won't really be desired sexually? If women have greatly diminished sexual attractiveness by their 40s, and live until they're 80, what can they expect of their sex lives for that very large part of their lives when they are no longer considered sexually attractive? I think it makes sense to seek out procedures that draw out the appearance of youth for a longer time. People can go on about how confidence and a certain way of carrying yourself are sexy, but the reality seems to be that men care less about individuality, and more about body parts and symmetry, or that a woman is willing to keep her baggage to herself and satisfy his sexual desires.

People might theorize that extremely lonely men would be grateful for or jump at the chance to have sex with any woman, so looks and youth are less important. Well.. yes and no. I think lonely men are more accepting when it comes to companionship, but if they don't have a lot of experience with 'real women', they might find the women they encounter deficient, even if they are 'normal' as far as attractiveness. If the women they've seen naked are the ideal women of porn, that's what men think women are. It might be difficult to incorporate a real woman into such a man's sexual routine. Also, in many cases, when it comes to very lonely men, it is possible that porn is sought out as a kind of self-medication. When people are depressed, their energy is low, but porn is one thing that can make a person feel 'alive'. And it would follow from that that the younger and more attractive a woman is, the more intense the effect of medication.

If 'love' never seems like a 'high value reward', a person would have little incentive to seek it out. If love is a habit that is formed from sexual desire as desire is rewarded, some people might actually feel more 'love' when viewing erotic material than they feel having contact with 'respectable relationships'. This would also apply to a preference for sex dolls.

And then there's the 'mystery' angle. If you disclose too much personal info, or seem too psychologically complicated, it kills fantasy. You just look 'high maintenance'. I have wondered if I deleted my site and kept all the depressing stuff to myself, would there be a chance I could have further relationships? I eventually decided to keep my site, and perhaps give up on the idea of future relationships.

Suicide Girls can get away with being suicidal, but not depressing, and there is a standard of attractiveness they have to meet.

Anyway..

It had been a long time since I had watched porn, and the few minutes here and there I have seen on the internet don't really count. I was not really familiar with modern porn, professional or amateur, and I thought it was time for me to check both out. For me, the idea of watching with someone I am attracted to increases the level of interest, but the idea of discussing it also adds to the interest for me, whereas that might turn most people off..

As I watched porn, I found that I would have preferred to watch psychologically interesting art films in which people have explicit sex. And so I suppose that is not really porn, but erotica? I don't have to see people in love having sex, but I like the idea of complex psychological interaction paired with explicit sex.

At the same time, I don't see anything wrong with at least occasionally trying to see where I stand on new porn, or other forms I have not seen before. I don't know if certain types might be an acquired taste or not over time, and I suppose it would be or could be part of a relationship to have something to discuss, (if nothing else).

---

Hmm.. it doesn't look like I really watched very much porn before I reached my limit. It seemed like a lot at the time..

PORN FILMS I WATCHED IN 2012:

Behind the Green Door (1972)

This was my favourite of the classic porn. It may partly have been because it seemed to be about a secret society, but the various watchers were interesting to me and had a sort of arty or bohemian kind of look or a combination of various things, maybe kind of glam. I liked that to enter the room people put on masks, and that there were many different people with different looks there - there was variety (people of different shapes and sizes, ages).

I think this movie involves or engages the audience, such that it is easier to imagine yourself as part of the scene. Also, some of the extreme closeups I thought were very well done, for example, just females mouth kissing.

The main problem for me with this one might have related to stereotypes.. the black men in this movie wore white pants with the genital area removed, and one wore a kind of tribal necklace. Is this offensive?

This is one of the things that makes me question the line between porn and art. Is my attitude a kind of 'free love' attitude, where you really try to respect the other's individuality and 'make love to the universe'? Do I look for certain psychological givens to be present? But am I a snob who mainly wants this experience with certain bohemian individuals?

Deep Throat (1972 - Linda Lovelace)

Linda Lovelace later spoke out and said that she felt exploited, or felt something different to what people thought she felt. When you see the attitudes/postures of the men in the film, it isn't so difficult to understand that there might have been a fundamental misunderstanding related to the inequality between the sexes (that most people do not recognize or see as important). Is the sexual exploration about individual self-realization and the necessity to sexually explore certain roles, or does it have more to do with a kind of pressure to please others? The 'tone' of this movie demonstrates gender inequality, while at the same time being brave enough to tackle some of the sexual tension or relationships between people that we shouldn't ignore. I don't think the makers of this film understood everything, and probably mainly they sought to make something only that 'turned them on', but I think they did manage to capture more than what they were aiming at.

From the start, when Linda Lovelace started talking, it seemed like she was depressed, and I identified with that.

She was probably partly chosen for that depressed quality, but also for the ability to deep throat. It might be partly that her mouth opens wider - but also that when filmed, she looks good giving head. The shape of her face, and the way her face flushes may have been part of why she was chosen.

In the movie, Linda spoke about never hearing bells or experiencing fireworks (bombs), but in spite of whatever she felt, when she was filmed, I got the impression that she was enjoying sex more than the other actors in the film, including all the males. The females looked like they knew what they were supposed to do, but they didn't look like they were actually getting off.

Women do seem to be there to satisfy men's fantasies, rather than vice versa. Even when a woman is receiving oral sex, I think the personality of the woman is meant to appeal to male sexual fantasies of certain types of women.

The Devil in Miss Jones (original, not modern version)

I didn't like this one as much as Behind the Green Door, but I still think parts of it are interesting.

One troubling issue with this movie is that it pronounces judgment on suicide. The woman kills herself, presumably because she is sad or doesn't think life is worth living, and because she kills herself, she is punished. She got to have sex, yes, but the punishment after that was not something I could relate to or endorse.

Another is that I am not drawn to Harry Reams, and this seems to throw me off.

When I compare the main stars of Deep Throat, Behind the Green Door and The Devil in Miss Jones, and look at the development of porn over time, I guess what occurs to me is that men's fantasies became more clarified, perhaps after watching the original attempts at porn- making. They wanted to keep some elements, but improve on others. They want to see larger breasts, less hairy vaginas, perfect faces. Although, the one thing the women in all three movies have in common is slimness. That is something that has remained important in porn. And, it does seem that when it comes to the men, something that has remained consistent is that penis size has remained large. It could be that when watching the earlier films, people starting thinking it was 'only right' that if the men had large penises, the women should have large breasts.

At present, I am theorizing that the women in these earlier movies might have reminded men too much of their girlfriends, and this had nothing to do with their real fantasy lives.

The moral of the story seems to be: rather than kill yourself, go out and have sex..

Debbie Does Dallas (1978)

I had in mind a girl who would have sex with an entire football team or something.

The girls on the team don't look like a professional modern cheerleading team, in which many members would either have naturally large or enhanced breasts, but they do like a cross section of a high school gym class. In a way there is something natural about the various fantasies that play out. (A little something for everyone, or for many more mainstream interests, with slight hints at deviations.)

When I was watching the shower scene, and one girl with very beautiful facial bone structure had ejaculate in one of her eyes, I thought it looked artistically nice, but I kept thinking she would need to rinse it out soon.

In this movie there is something in particular I noticed: I think in three separate scenes, there were closeups of female genitalia in which gentle and specific clitoral stimulation was taking place. For example, an index finger used around the outside of the clitoris, focusing in.

I think this was one of the 'important' films in the development of porn, but to me what it seems to suggest is that men are maybe fighting back against the earlier ideas and are trying to say that those earlier films don't represent their fantasies. They want women who might come across with a level of awareness that is different or less than that of porn from a few years earlier. Once men start getting an idea of what is possible, they begin to ask for 'more'. And for them, this means less emotional and intellectual complexity, more technical physical beauty, larger breasts, less hair, smaller external genitalia, and more catering specifically to male fantasy.

In the 60s and 70s, there was this social attitude among some people related to free love, to experimentation, and to being open to human beings and what they had to share. As time went on, people seemed to close up in some ways, to become more judgmental, removed, to have more black and white thinking.

I found this one long, and difficult to sit through.

Johnny Wadd (John Holmes)

John Holmes looks like he had a very large penis, even in a group of large penises. There are usually some men with smaller ones, but they do not have the central or most powerful roles, and this must have a psychological effect (on the audience).

I think it makes sense to have male fantasies which include action, fights, and in this case, being a private detective. There is even a kind of 'morality' in this story, in that in the end, 'good' prevails.

I don't think John Holmes looked particularly into any of the women in this movie. I did notice during one vaginal penetration scene that he seemed good at managing clitoral stimulation - it looked like he was aware of the location of the clitoris, and the amount of pressure needed.

One thing I am noticing with male porn penises is that while the base looks very thick in many cases, the head looks a bit smaller in comparison.

I will also remark that at the beginning when the first woman was naked, they might have filmed her in an unflattering way. Although very thin, and apparently young, her body seemed kind of slack, her rear end kind of flat. This might be related to the time period, before exercise was 'popular', and women had 'natural' bodies, but for a young woman, it seems odd to lack that firmness or roundedness. The mother of the abducted woman was also quite slim, but had no muscle tone. This is the kind of thing that maybe most people don't realize can be adjusted to some extent by working muscles. They think muscle work is unfeminine, but as you get older, one of the best options to hold on to shape and tone is to work muscles - and I think modern porn actresses do this.

Nina Hartley's Private Sessions (part 13)

I find this interesting mainly in a creative sense. I like BDSM wear, I like the idea of having a special room with various different apparatuses. I liked the harness thing which the young redhead was suspended from, and I liked the young redhead.

Ancient Secrets of the Kama Sutra

I am guessing that this one might be the sort of porn film it would be possible to share with a girlfriend. In the end, it looks like the heterosexual American couple have had some fun, but remain committed to their relationship.

I liked the exotic settings, and found the video kind of fun, although I do admit as usual I found it long. When people create these videos, though, they probably don't expect people to sit through the whole thing. They expect people will fast forward to the parts that are relevant to them, or watch different parts at different times.

The scene I liked the best was between two women. It reminded me of Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I sort of wished there had been three (vampire) women. I liked the costumes, jewelry, makeup. If there is not emotional or psychological connection, maybe for me there needs to be creative connection. I also liked a scene in which the American boyfriend was receiving oral sex from two women at once. One woman was sucking his penis, and the other his testicles. I liked the way their faces looked doing this.

I am not sure, but I think this might have been the first film of the ones collected in which I have seen a woman double penetrated? Vagina and anus up close. There was also an anal sex scene filmed up close that I sort of liked. [Double penetrated: this seems to suggest I don't see a combination of oral and vaginal as double-penetrated. Is this the first one that has concentrated on an anal and vaginal penetration? I have seen so many movies recently that I probably haven't been paying close enough attention, and am probably missing lots. I suppose this particular scene caught my attention.]

I did have a significant feeling of arousal during this film, and for a long period after, but did not masturbate during the time I was experiencing this.

Fashionistas (Rocco Siffredi, Belladonna)

Although this movie has a 'fashion' setting, most of the women are not in the extremely thin range. This was also the case in the Kama Sutra movie.

I am not finding this arousing as much as entertaining. I have even laughed out loud at some parts. It's definitely different, and I have to admit that Rocco is incredible. He's very creative, has a lot of range, and there's a huge difference in watching him to any other male porn star I have ever seen.

BDSM could be thought of as intimidating or 'dark' to some people, but I think this movie shows some of the fun sides.

I think what happens with Rocco is that it is not so much about female pleasure or climax, but about giving them a different kind of release. It's an opportunity to let go, see where the situation will go, because I don't get the idea that it is exactly the same with every woman. Yes, I can see that there are certain activities he likes, but he doesn't have a set order for his moves, and he does seem to use the uniqueness of the situation to inspire him. At the same time, it is like he is able to work out in the moment how best to take his own pleasure, or keep himself interested. There is give and take. He is rough, and I don't doubt that much of the time the women are in pain or experiencing discomfort, but with S & M, I think that is part of the experience, and if you are in the right headspace, release relates to pushing your boundaries.

Rather than just plain naked bodies, I do like having costumes and props to look at. I do like things that are red and black, and also interesting backgrounds. I thought the butt plug with a jewel in it was pretty, and looked nice with the genital piercing Belladonna had, and also the black latex? straps across her legs. I also thought the photo of this girl, the one she submitted as a subliminal extra in the video (an easter egg, a surprise) was a beautiful picture. I liked the arching of her body.

When the large dildo was being inserted into her anus, I thought at times she was in serious pain. I did kind of like the look of it, though, different from other dildoes that I have seen, and I also sort of liked the smaller one, also of a clear material, but with a purple corkscrew pattern.

There was a lot of anal in this video, including different kinds of anal play, and in addition to this there was something not in other videos so far: different kinds of smothering, smothering with vaginas, with asses and breasts. When someone sat on someone's face here, they were really sitting on someone's face.

OK, I admit that in spite of some of my previous comments (they are still valid, related to imagination/inspiration), at times this does come across as sport fucking. I don't see why fucking shouldn't be a sport. It is more interesting than many sports. But, it has come into my mind that there is so much rough vaginal and anal penetration, with penises, dildoes and fingers, at times I am not sure if men realize this is notlikely to lead to orgasm. When I hear the sounds the women make, and see their faces, it is like I recognize it, and it occurs when you are in pain or discomfort, but feel motivated for whatever reason to keep going. It is like an endurance contest. It does I think help you to get in touch with a more primal side, but this kind of stimulation for me has not led to climax, and I end up feeling hmmm maybe that there is no 'overview' to the situation, that it wanders without attaining focus. (?) And I also admit that I think part of what happens when a woman endures is that she is trying to find a way to please without complaining. It is a talent, and not all women can 'take it', but not all women want to.

Honestly, while I want to be positive and see the good, maybe after sitting all the way through this movie I do feel bored and tired of the whole bdsm thing. If you're attractive physically, find ways to show it off, while you're young. Once you're old, you've missed the boat.

Flashpoint (Jenna Jameson)

I know that women have fireman fantasies, which correspond to rescue fantasies, so I am trying to work out why a man's film would have a fire station setting.. but there is no reason why a man wouldn't also want to 'rescue' women, or be thought a 'hero'.

I found this movie very, very long.

This movie had variations on male-female intercourse, oral sex for male and female, group sex, anal sex for female, female-female sex and female analingus. I am not sure if I am forgetting anything or if I didn't notice anything unusual.

I know that for a long time Jenna Jameson was very popular. I am not sure if she is still in films now. In this film, I am not really drawn to her personality or look. I also sort of found myself thinking maybe this movie and similar movies would be better if the people didn't talk at all. Some sound effects would probably be good, but listening to the people talk seems to turn me off. I think it might be a matter of what headspace you are in, though.

I did experience feelings of arousal at a few points during the movie, but not enough that it felt necessary to masturbate. I notice also that when trying to write about it, I feel a similar level of stimulation, or slightly increased. So, for me it might be that a movie like this is just a starting point, and I need something additional. It also might be that I have to watch more porn, and different types as well, in order to see if I can figure out what works best for me, or if any of what is available has a stronger effect.

It seems to go without saying that porn is filmed so that people can see some of the angles they can't usually see or focus on when they are actually having sex, and that many porn angles are actually 'unnatural' as well, because it is about appealing to the voyeuristic instinct in people (well, I suppose that is natural), rather than what the scene feels like in reality to the participants. What feels good might not make good film.

As I watch, it is difficult to shake off the sense that it is not just harmless fun.

I can definitely understand a curiosity about what people look like naked, and wanting to have sex with eager partners, and that the whole process be simple. But the curiosity doesn't seem to extend very far, it seems to be conditional on a woman fitting only a certain mold.

I notice that I am starting to think that it might be more aesthetically 'right' to get rid of all pubic hair on women. And I haven't even seen very many movies yet.

[Right after watching this movie, I watched episode 5 of Scenes from a Marriage. Near the beginning Marianne and Johan have sex on the floor of his office. I did not find this scene any more erotic than watching an adult film, and probably had less sexual reaction to it. But, it was like I struggled to get through Flashpoint, and could not watch more porn after. I needed to watch something different, as a kind of antidote.]

Couch Confessions (Jesse Jane)

I think Jesse Jane is probably what I had thought many modern porn actresses look like, but I will have to see more. I thought she had very nice legs, especially in one particular pose with both stretched out in different directions. When I started watching, even though for me it was too rough looking, or at least with not enough other lead in (foreplay), I did have a kind of 'warm and tingly' feeling. However, watching for 20 minutes or 18 or whatever it was, I lost that feeling. I have it a bit now, though, writing.

I honestly thought that Jesse Jane herself was actually at times experiencing a lot of discomfort, and even bearing with it by showing a kind of growling expression, or showing the teeth in such a way (including the sounds made to cope with the discomfort).. I don't know, it reminds me of how I have coped with sex that is too rough. There are things about it that are kind of fun, but there is also an aspect of endurance to the situation, and the kind of excitement that is experienced is not really about getting to orgasm.

Some of the camera angles were quite well done (and there were moments when I think both actors did well at managing the choreography of intercourse along with man stimulating clitoris, woman stimulating testicles or around perineum, such that all of this managed to get in the scene up close), and even when Jesse looked like she was trying to get away from the guy, she managed to do it such that her poses were quite sexy. I think that he might actually have liked her, and there were a couple of shots when he did seem to break away from the rhythm to make eye contact with her, and in a way that to me seemed nice. I didn't actually get the impression she liked him as much.

There was a scene that included an extreme closeup of her vagina that did make me think was an example of why some people think of women as 'holes'.

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