i'm not working on anything. when i took photos yesterday, i had ideas about things to do that were considerably different to anything else i've done. as i started preparing things, i seemed to run out of energy. a kind of relaxation set in, but i wondered if i'd ever feel like doing more. i'm not exercising, dancing or eating as little as i want. i'm currently seriously caffeine-addicted. when i wake up i feel sick and weak and need to try to get caffeine into my system as soon as possible.
it's getting harder to concentrate. i had things i wanted to write tonight. i can't seem to focus.
i felt a momentary release when i got the other site uploaded and a few of the issues ironed out. and then a different kind of stress and horror set in.
yes. when will the laughter be too loud. i don't feel ready for anything. i feel like i should be preparing in some way. but i'm not.
maybe i will be able to write some of the things i had been thinking about later. even though i haven't done anything significantly different, it probably took a lot of energy. i can't concentrate right now. i probably won't be able to sleep though, and that might lead to me making another effort later. for now, i just feel like i need to be here.
[later: i have a few ideas i'm going to try to work on. more ideas and more, and i still haven't worked on so many of the others. i feel like i want to dig tunnels in here and create 'secret' passageways and compartments. i'm not sure what will emerge in the near future, though.]
13/02/05: if you are easily offended, don't have a strong stomach, are easily embarrassed, or if your sense of taste is refined or discerning, etc, you might not want to see the linked material. because i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here. etc.